bosom buddies...

Bosom Buddies
from Auntie Mame
Lucille Ball & Bea Arthur

Vera and Mame:
[singing]
We'll always be bosom buddies,
Friends, sisters and pals;
We'll always be bosom buddies,
If life should reject you,
There's me to protect you.
Vera:
If I say that your tongue is vicious,
Mame:
If I call you uncouth;
Vera and Mame:
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and tell you the truth.
Vera:
[speaking]
Tho' now and again I'm aware that my candid opinion may sting,
Mame:
Tho' often my frank observation might scald;
I've been meanin' to tell you for years
You should keep your hair natural like mine.
Vera:
If I kept my hair natural like yours, I'd be bald.
[singing]
But darling,
Vera and Mame:
We'll always be dear companions,
Vera:
My crony,
Mame:
My mate;
Vera and Mame:
We'll always be harmonizing,
Vera:
Orphan Annie and Sandy,
Vera and Mame:
Like Amos and Andy.
Vera:
If I say that your sense of style's as far as off as your youth;
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you the whole stinkin' truth.
Mame:
[speaking]
Each time that a critic has written, "Your voice is the voice of a frog!"
Straight to your side to defend you I rush;
You know that I'm there ev'ry time that the world makes and unkind
remark.
When they say "Vera Charles is the world's greatest lush!"
[singing]
It hurts me!
Vera:
And if I say your fangs are showing,
Mame, pull in your claws,
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will notice the obvious flaws!
Mame:
[speaking]
I feel it's my duty to tell you it's time to adjust to your age;
You try to be "Peg O' My Heart", when you're "Lady Macbeth."
Exactly how old are you, Vera? The truth!
Vera:
Well, how old do you think?
Mame:
I'd say somewhere in between forty and the death!
Vera and Mame:
[singing]
But sweetie,
Vera:
I'll always be Alice Toklas,
If you'll be Gertrude Stein.
And tho' I'll admit I've dished you,
I've gossiped and gloated,
But I'm so devoted.
Mame:
And if I say that sex and guts made you into a star,
It's simply that who else but a bosom buddy
Will tell you how rotten you are.
Vera and Mame:
Just turn your bosom buddy
For aid and affection,
For help and direction,
For loyalty, love and for sooth!
Remember that who else but a bosom buddy
Will sit down and level
And give you the devil,
Will sit down and tell you the truth!